Charlie covering his ears
Two annoying girls moved into the apartment above me.
I'm forced to hear every dumb thing they say.
These are my letters to them.
 
 
 
 
 
Apr

13

“That fucker had glitter in his beard, which means he was making out with some whore!” Maybe he’s really into arts and crafts?

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  1. Non-Sparkling Vampire Girl says:

    Maybe he made out with Edward Cullen.

  2. Trippetta says:

    Ah, but glitter IS the herpes of the arts and crafts world. o.O

  3. Marie says:

    Where they talking about you, Charlie? :P

  4. trolololo says:

    Haha I love Charlie’s comment xD

  5. Taurie says:

    Long time reader, first time commenter. They have a thing for guys with beards, eh? You totally have a chance now, Charlie!

    P.S. I love you Charlie xP

  6. ASchmalz says:

    I think he must have met up with Ke$ha…

  7. anja says:

    I think that he must have ate Ke$ha’s face if he had it in his beard………………

  8. Lydia says:

    Maybe he was just at a Hardcore (German) Sparkle Party.

  9. Charlie McDowell says:

    If I had a dime for the amount of times girls have mistaken my avid arts and crafts glitter experiments for hooking up with whores…I would have a lot of dimes.

  10. Maheen says:

    And yet, considering these girls Valentines day comments and the fact they don’t exactly seem to have what can be considered a stable relationship with a Boyfriend, I’m surprised they’d be pissed at a guy having glitter in his beard….do they have a boyfriend now?

  11. Jacky Faber: Midshipman, Fine Lady, and Lily of the West says:

    Bahahahahahaha!!!!!! I also say it is the herpes of the arts world. And I would be eternally grateful if that man ate Edward, ridding the world of him. But he might suffer indigestion…I’d feel sorry for him if that happened. And last one…nah, not even gonna talk about Ke$ha. >.<

    • Dolores Umbridge says:

      Edward Cullen, that no good sparkly swine. I liked him better as Cedric Diggory.

      • I'M SCREAMING AT YOU says:

        He left Bella to go back to Hogwarts, but Snape was all like, “Woah! No way, you’re too sparkly, even for Hufflepuff!” and Edward went back.
        Moral of the story?
        If you sparkle, won’t do your girlfriend for like, three years, and act all smart and sensitive. . .
        You’re not a vampire. You’re gay.

  12. Matt says:

    Come on man, whores trump projects involving glitter any day.

  13. Sarah says:

    Charlie, please never shave. If you did, they would never be able to mistake you for a hobo or someone who makes out with whores and my life would be an empty black whole.

  14. GinnyPotter says:

    my history teacher is afraid of glitter haha so many stories about that guy… :)

    • Caroline says:

      How can someone be afraid of glitter?

      • Matt says:

        because its scary…its just so small and shiny; but thats just what it wants you to think.

      • GinnyPotter says:

        No one is allowed to have glitter in his room or anything and he freaks out when he sees it haha. We covered his room in glitter on april fools day

    • Lord Voldemort says:

      I am actually allergic to glitter. Not a very fun thing to be allergic to…

      • pb says:

        as allergies go, that’s a hilarious allergy.

      • pb says:

        then again, as someone with coeliac disease who has to pay $7 for a loaf of bread i can eat i probably shouldn’t laugh at others’ allergies.

      • AisforRandom.blogspot.com says:

        Celiac disease – an autoimmune digestive disease that damages the villi of the small intestine and interferes with absorption of nutrients from food. What does this mean? Essentially the body is attacking itself every time a person with celiac consumes gluten. Do you have celiac disease? Take our celiac disease symptoms checklist

      • Lord Voldemort says:

        Pb, It is hilarious, I feel so awkwardly fantastic.

  15. CharlotteBewlowYou says:

    I once went up to someone and threw glitter at them, shouting “I am the glitter fairy!” and then ran away. Maybe there are other glitter fairies out there…
    P.S. I love you more Charlie!

    • Lizzi says:

      this is the best alternative to making out with whores!!!

      p.s. you just gave me my plans for the next time I go to a concert :D

  16. Anna Recsik says:

    I haven’t ate pickles for the past 2 weeks and with every day that I go pickleless I grow a bit more insane.

    This reminds me of the time I went to the Ke$ha show and glitter started to fall during her “Blow” performance and I decided to scream with my MOUTH UP.

    I love Ke$ha. Don’t hate.

  17. ASchmalz says:

    haven’t they referred to you as homeless due to your beard before??? lol

  18. Sackonutso says:

    now if this “glitter beard” guy had any sense..he could have just said he was making a scrapbook for her. This I know she would have bought, Hook Line and Sinker…..

  19. AmyD says:

    I think glitter guy just dodged a bullet here personally…

  20. Fermata says:

    So I’ve decided that Charlie is really cool because he actually cares about his fans :3

  21. Sarah says:

    Speaking of arts and crafts, my school hates art. Along with music. Yeah they just cut High school orchestra. They love the creative kids so. much.

    • Lydia says:

      Pfft. Who needs the arts, which can actually HELP test scores, when you have football? Yeah, exactly.

    • Sackonutso says:

      honestly Sara it is tragic that all art and music will eventually be a thing of the past in most public schools. Where I live in CA…it is long gone. Very sad.

      No glitter for you!!

      • Sarah says:

        I’m actually planning on majoring in art so I’m really upset about this. I’m glad that I’ll be a senior next year and then out of here.

  22. Tobia says:

    hey! he could really be a sweet and innocent guy! maybe he just hugged is neice or daughter or little sister or something and she is like four or five and really into glitter and accidently glued or adhered magically glitter onto her hands or face or shirt or all 3 or maybe her shirt already came with glitter on it and she was so happy that she just gave him a glomp making him all covered in glitter and if you ever tried to shower or wash of glitter it is really hard so he rather just gave up and continued on with his glitter-covered existance and went to the bar or where ever he interacted with the DGAM girls so he could have a drink and relax and maybe tell a girl how nice and friendly of a guy he really is and maybe talk about his neice or daughter or little sister to relate to this random bar girl and maybe make a new friend which he would introduce to his neice or daughter or little sister so that they can all be friends together and have sleepovers where they would eat raw cookiedough and play with matches and tell ghost stories and talk about thier crushes and stay up all night and have glittery pillow fights which would make everything all glittery like a disco ball and then they would have a glittery disco ball disco dance off where the winner would win the ability to claim that he or she is a hetero so that they may feel as much or as little girly as they wish and maybe then he can regain his masculinity in this fantasy sentence! Hmmmmmmmmmm!??!?! *breaths* I mean, it could happen, you never really know…!

  23. Bambi says:

    You know…he could just have a thing for glitter. Girls are not the only ones who like sparkly things. Look at Robert Pattinson. {{First comment}}

  24. Jillian says:

    Glitter spreads like crazy. Poor guy was probably in the same building with someone who had glitter on their shirt and it got caught in his beard.

    I bet he got the glitter from them.

    Glitter is a euphemism, right?

    • Tigerr says:

      I was waiting for someone to say that… Knowing the girls though, it probably is a euphemism.

  25. Truth says:

    Charlie, you have everyone of these girls commenting eating out of your hands. I applaud you.

  26. Alex says:

    Maybe this guy wasn’t hooking up with hores….maybe he was just making out with Ke$ha. :)

  27. BlueberryMuffin says:

    Sparkly facial hair
    Leads to wild accusations.
    Ke$ha fans, beware.

  28. Ashlea says:

    Maybe he is really a wizard… He just didn’t have on his robe and wizard hat?

  29. gorgeous,yet heartbroken says:

    im thinking he probably was ordered by lord voldemort to eat edward cullen due to his glitter allergy…

    • Allora says:

      haha thank you, your comment probably just made my day…although this site in general makes my day every time there is an update too…

  30. Jazzelle says:

    When I was a kid I had a book about dragons…it came with a bag of glitter labelled “Dragon Dust”…maybe he’s secretly a dragon…

    By the way, hello for the first time. I told lurking that it wasn’t working out between us.

    • Alice says:

      I had that book too! And the glitter packet! Ahh I remember trying to get that little packet put without ruining the pages….good times!

  31. Emily says:

    When my friends and I were little we loved “Peter Pan” and we got glitter everywhere because we were using it as fairy dust so that we could fly. It’s difficult to get out of your hair.

    • Dolores Umbridge says:

      Take it from a theatre person: glitter NEVER COMES OUT OF ANYTHING. I still have my old jazz shoes, and they still have glitter in them from my costume.

  32. Deirdre says:

    Maybe this mysterious bearded guy… is LUKE!!! Charlie, you’re being replaced!!!!!

  33. Samantha says:

    Glitter? Of all things to get stuck in one’s beard, glitter? He’s giving you all a bad name, Charlie.

  34. Cera says:

    Maybe he works at Michaels. I always come home covered in glitter.

    Oh and glitter is Satan’s sperm!

  35. Dwezel1987 says:

    Maybe he was huffing glitter spray paint

  36. Starrbabyxoxo says:

    yeah it seems like he might be into arts and crafts maybe he took lots of pictures of the girls and wanted to make them a scrapbook. perhaps he has a crush on them lol!!!!!!!!!!!!

  37. CookiesVs.Cupcakes says:

    I bet glitter beard, as I shall now call him, was making out with Roslie or whats-her-face. Not just Edward sparkles. Which makes me wonder, why does he sparkle?

  38. AisforRandom.blogspot.com says:

    also, maybe he was just accessorizes (CANNOT figure out how to spell that-what happens when you use accessories, you something your outfit(or beard)). I hear beard glitter is the new guy liner. Ok, I just made that up, but that’s what I’m gonna start telling people.

  39. Josh says:

    I’m still trying to comprehend the fact that they said the word whore like it doesn’t pertain to them. I would imagine that having sex with one of them would be like screwing an empty plastic bag…

  40. Hannibal lecter says:

    One of these comments is not like the others…

  41. Sammie =] says:

    I just actually happened to be listening to “Blow” on my iPod when I read this. I have a friend named mark who has a beard. I poke his beard all the time. I’m gonna buy him some glitter to make his beard more fun. :/

    Oh and this made my great day greater. Spring fling at school + glitter beard post. I love it! :)

  42. Mark says:

    Maybe the guy was at a strip club and got rubbed up against?! Totally “innocent”!

  43. Lala says:

    Maybe he went to go see a production of CATS.

    …in which case him making out with a whore should be the least of their worries.

  44. Kelsey says:

    definatley…but he could have some relatives or something that he had to baby sit…or a younger sister? or maybe even a dinosaur…

  45. Anthony says:

    Or he works for Hallmark. Used to come home covered in the crap when I worked for them going around to stores installing new displays. Pull out the old ones and lift them up to toss them in the dumpster and it would be a glitter shower from all the stuff that came off the cards and settled at the bottom of the racks.

  46. Fran says:

    Glitter is the herpes of the arts and crafts world.

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