“If I don’t get a coat from Chanel’s winter collection I’m honestly going to kill myself.” Am I supposed to report this?

“He just posted on his Facebook wall ‘SFO’. What does that mean!? So…funny…obviously?” I think he’s going to San Francisco.

“Charlie told me that this year for daylight savings we have to set our clocks back 3 HOURS!” I swear to God this wasn’t me.

“I need to know now if we’re sunbathing this weekend so I can get rid of any peek-a-boo-pubes.” Yes, let’s not scare the children.

“Wanna know what he said to me? ‘You had me at hello.’ He’s so good at being romantic.” He’s so good at Netflixing Jerry Maguire.