“This week I’m only going to talk to guys who have the same name as my favorite designers.” Say hi to Helmut from me.

“Ahhhhhh!” What? “Ahhhhhh! What? “Ahhhhhh!” What!? “Kim Kardashian is getting a divorce!” Thanks for wasting my whats.

“How do I spell ‘nude costumes’? Nevermind, I know. Actually, is there a–Oh, I got it. No I don’t.” I’m picturing: nood customs.

“She’s dressing up as a pumpkin? JUST a pumpkin!? So shady, I don’t trust this bitch.” Agreed, never trust something not slutty.

“I don’t care how big his cock is, Claire, he still uses Myspace!” But an average size penis on Facebook is okay, right? Phew.