“She’s wearing 5″ heels tonight? That bitch! Time to bust out my 5 3/4″ stilettos!” Shit just got real.

“Okay, let’s see, 3…4…5..” Cute, you’re practicing counting– “15! We could be on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills season 15!”

“We should celebrate by going to the hospital and looking at new born babies!” Or you could celebrate LABOR DAY by getting a job.

“The sex was bad cause he kept calling it humpty dumpty!” You don’t like picturing a fat egg fall off a wall during sex? Weird.

“I don’t get the point of Twitter. Does anyone really care what I have to say?” Umm, I think I know a few people.