“If that bitch talks shit about me one more time, I’m gonna wear a white dress to her wedding.” Men use fists, women use fabric.

“He was literally perfect! Except for when he asked me if it looks like his eyes have seen murder.” Don’t get caught up in details.

“Oh I get it. It’s called string cheese cause it comes off all stringy.” Next week we’ll tackle Push-Pops.

“She was a major buzz kill talking about death and war. I wanted to be like, relax, it’s a holiday weekend!” Happy Memorial Day.

“I can’t believe we even pretended to like that song Friday.” So Rebecca Black is not “totally the next Madonna?” I trusted you!