“She’s waiting on the results of her biopic. It better not be life threatening.” Although her life story might make a nice biopsy.

“What the hell does Easter have to do with Jesus anyway?” You don’t know? He’s the one who hires the Bunny.

“Hey POTUS, whoever the hell you are, your road block made me late for my eyebrow waxing!” Some people think they’re so important.

You’re starting to rub off on me, last night I peed sitting down. I wiped my butt just to make myself feel better.

“Yes, a kilogram is a type of drug. Why, do you know where to score some?” Make sure it’s weighed properly!