“It’s not fair that ‘sex tapes’ are ONLY for celebs. Mine would just be considered ‘a porn’.” We all have something to strive for.

“Ow, Cathy, they didn’t hit that hard!” Just because the Kardashians had a pillow fight on their show, doesn’t mean you need to.

You might have a hard time finding a “super soft DUET cover” for your bed. But I know a great karaoke bar if you’re interested?

(in a horrible British accent) “Please bestie, may I have some more Skinny Girl Margarita?” Was that your version of Oliver?

“Luke says we don’t need to worry about March Madness anymore cause they found a cure.” Hey Luke, only I get to fuck with them!