16
“How do I vote for Best Actor? If Bieber doesn’t win for Never Say Never, I’m done with movies.” Oh God, please be done with movies.
15
“In Home Depot’s parking lot there were a bunch of Mexican prostitute guys trying to get into my car!” Different type of worker.
14
“I like beyond hate Valentine’s Day. Who wants to celebrate only fucking one person?” I’m hoping my girlfriend.
11
GAM: Hey you, we’re throwing a party tonight. Me: Oh cool, I’ve got no plans– GAM: So if you hear loud music don’t call the cops.
10
“There’s a video game for The Bachelor?! It might be time to get one of those Game Boy thingys.” That time was 15 years ago.