“I wonder if Martin Luther King ever had a wet dream? If so, I wanna hear about THAT one.” I totally question his priorities as well.

“Some nerdy space guy got it wrong, I’m NOT a Cancer now! Do I look like a loser who never goes out?” Hey, I walked my dog today!

“Last night was legendary, best sex ever!” I know! We orgasmed at the same time! Only difference is you had someone else with you.

“My therapist said I need a hobby. Maybe I should start like getting into Ebaying?” I’m not sure that’s what she was alluding to.

“My mom said I look sturdy. I’m trying not to get mad and just know she’s upset about turning 50.” That’s really big–SMALL of you.