“I had a nightmare that I was getting raped but he couldn’t get it up. It was scary but super offensive.” I wanna feel bad for you.

“Doesn’t global warming just mean more warm weather vacation spots?” You’re sounding an awful lot like our last President.

(upset) “And on top of that Fergie was wrong, big girls do cry.” Please stop living your life to the words of The Black Eyed Peas.

“All I want in life is a strand of Justin Timberlake’s hair so I can make his babies.” DNA doesn’t produce children.

I see you’ve chosen a 2011 New Years “Revolution.” I really hope that “mastering how to make the perfect toast” works out for you.