Two annoying girls moved into the apartment above me.
I'm forced to hear every dumb thing they say.
These are my letters to them.
I'm forced to hear every dumb thing they say.
These are my letters to them.
03
“This may sound stupid.” Uh oh. “But have you ever realized that you can’t become a grandma without having kids?” I need to move.
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might be an all time low, even for them.
move. now.
Whenever they say, “This may sound stupid,” half of me gets excited with a notepad ready, and the other half of me wants to weep in my mother’s arms.
If you weep in your mother’s arms Charlie, be sure to take pictures….
I second that idea!
At least they’re self-aware?
dear GAC get a surrogate and a nanny and the baby will be ok.
please don’t move….
Charlie, how do you manage to not run to them and correct every stupid thing they say? It must get frustrating.
Amazingly funny for everyone else though, I love the site!
The only reason I don’t go insane is because of the site.
glad you found a way to keep ppl happy & sane. :3
Cheaper than therapy.
Why haven’t you moved? Well, at this point I suppose you’ve invested too much of your life into them, but why didn’t you once you realized how dumb they are in the beginning?
Don’t move Charlie! But if you ever do, please present them with a book at their door of every stupid thing they have said, do this if they move as well!
I’m writing a Dear Girls Above Me book…
I will totally buy that book!!! Are you going to give them a copy of the book when you move out?
Possibly! The book is coming out in the early summer of next year.
I’ll buy it and write defenses on little sticky notes.
That’s awesome! When it comes out I’ll certainly pick up a copy and give it a good mention on my blog too.
Make sure you ship copies out to Australia or I’m gonna be pissed!
Or you mail me a signed copy… :)
Sweet! for a minute there I was worried that the book would make it more likely for them to find out, but then again, I can’t picture them in a bookstore. you should probably pass on putting in an author photo though, just to be safe…
I would totally buy that book Charlie!!!
Thanks everyone!
I WANT THAT BOOK! :3
That’s just about the only reason I wouldn’t want to be a grandmother. I want to be able to give the kid back to the parents!
I really don’t understand how they manage to enter and exit the apartment. Negotiating the complexities of the lock and doorknob must be a daily source of stress.
I showed my Obaasan this and she said something along the lines of “Shut up! What, are they drunk?!”
Must have been hard for the real thing to hear someone only NOW realizing that.
They could adopt a kid.
Normally I wouldn’t be surprise with what they say, but this is stupid even for them.
Why, no. ‘Tis not stupid at all. God, I have a hard enough time reading these, I can’t imagine having to listen to them!
God Charlie. I feel really bad for you.
Charlie, you can’t move! Think of how dull the new neighbors might be.
Charlie, if you move, you’re gonna make lots of people very upset! Think of us!
Oh, fine. I’ll stay.
YAY!
You know what? I think they must have found out about Charlie. And now they’re saying even dumber things to spite him. That’s the only logical explanation I can give for this level of stupidity.
You’d be surprised. There was a kid in my class last year who thought there was only one kind of atom, and that the Periodic Table of the Elements is a lie. His best friend thinks that no species can go extinct, so all the prehistoric animals are merely in hiding. I’m totally serious.
Wow. I think they should double date with the girls. It would produce some very interesting conversations.
Just asking do they have jobs?
Not steady ones.
but they have had jobs before? i can’t picture them working.
I think it depends on what you mean by a job…
Well I was tryin to picture them working at mcdondalds what do you mean?
They’ve reached a new low…
As much as I love this site, I would completely understand and forgive you if you move.
Whatever, Charlie, I’m just going to remind you that you spelled “psychic” as “physic” on facebook last week.
haha well played.
I noticed that too
When I buy a copy of Charlie’s book would you send me photocopies of your sticky noted defenses? Hahaha.
I do have to point out that resorting to pointing out an entirely unrelated mistake by Charlie DOES seem to imply that even you have no real defense for this level of stupidity. Don’t take it to heart though, because I don’t think there is one.
wow that was low even for them… and as much as you want to move charlie i am glad that you aren’t i love this site it keeps me sane… so thank you for giving up you sanity for a good cause !!! lol
Don’t. Let. Them. Reproduce.
I’d b more worried about how stupid their kids would b…
it would be an amazing cosmic joke if their kids had off the chart IQ’s and were little Einsteins.
Oh Charlie please don’t move your GAM blog is what I look forward to everyday!!!! I woudn’t know what to do when I wake uo if there wasn’t a new GAM post
I think that the rest of my life would be incomplete if you moved Charlie. The internet would never be the same again! :(
Wait… did they want to be grandmothers, but not mothers? I don’t understand. Part of being a trophy wife is having children and hiring a nanny to take care of them. Aren’t they going to be trophy wives one day?
they probably don’t want to ruin their girlish figures. lol
I officially fear for the physical and mental well being of these people, and am shocked that either of them can function as a human being at all with no more than two conscious braincells between them.
If you move, watch you be right under a couple of bros who are just as stupid. You could get a new blog! Dear Bros Above Me.
I second that. But why would these girls want to become GRANDMA’s? Although, on technical note, you could be a grandparent if:-
1) The kids regard you as grandparents (Dangerous times ahead, Charlie).
2) Kids have orphaned parent(s), who regard you as father figures (the plot thickens, Charlie).
3) Adoptive grandparents (well, this makes some sense in their case).
But Charlie, I have heard that when people suddenly plan to move out in such situations, strange things….happen.
this just made my day. thanks girls above you, i never saw it that way.. hahahaha.
I read this, and had to take a deep breath to calm myself and stop myself from a violent facepalm.
Do they not realize that the word grandmother has the word mother IN IT?
GrandMOTHER.
Sigh. I weep for their future husbands, children, and grandchildren.
While this was an incredibly stupid thing to say, I must point out that your logic does not necesarily prove anything. Godmother (GodMOTHER)has the word mother in it, but does not imply childbirth of any sort.
No no no. Of course you don’t need to have kids to be a grandmothers. Just like you don’t need blood to live.
Grandmother*
New present for the girls should be a box of condoms:) can’t have crying kids above you:O didn’t something happen to their pillow anyway?
Charlie. Seriously. I need to know what apartment building you live in (not in a creepy way) but I’m moving to L.A. next year and I would love to move next to these girls. I think it would be great! LOL!!!
Btw I am just kidding. I really don’t want to sound like a creep. lol
Hollywood should make a sitcom out of your site Charlie.
I completely agree, i would most certainly watch it.
I thought Charlie was in talks w/ some hollywood producers at one time to do it? In any case, I can’t wait for the book!!!
They really shouldn’t even waste time saying “This is gonna sound stupid.”
Yay, my first reply from Charlie! Could you please have a contest for people to see who gets the first copy of the book :) ? And also if the GAM ever find out, I’d doubt they’d be offended, they would probably bask themselves in unfanmail.
Yes, good idea!
Charlie will you be releasing your book in India, if not i would really love to have one personally mailed to me ;)
I assume these girls are only living on their looks. So, I hope they are REALLY pretty. If not, there’s no hope for them in the future (or even now.)
Tailors have a measure of happiness because they are well suited to their jobs.
actually they could marry someone with grown children and then when that child has a child they’d get to be a grandmother without ever having given birth or raising a child!
I’m not sure they’re allowed to raise children. Talk about abuse.