Two annoying girls moved into the apartment above me.
I'm forced to hear every dumb thing they say.
These are my letters to them.
I'm forced to hear every dumb thing they say.
These are my letters to them.
24
“The best blow job I ever gave was when I wrapped a guy’s thingy in a Fruit Roll Up.” I got some dried apricots down here…
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first?
They refer to it as a “thingy”? sheesh.
Lol, I hope the guys she’s slept with haven’t asked her to ‘talk dirty’ to them. >.<
I say thingy too… lots of people do.
You refer to a penis as ‘it’?
Hey Charlie
I read DGAM everyday and it makes me laugh
this website pretty much makes my life (:
Thanks so much for reading!
It must be tough to decide what to put up on this site…I bet right after you make your posts that you hear something just as stupid coming from one of their mouths.
I can’t imagine that the blow job was so great for him if his “thingy” was covered up like that.
hahahahah!
i love this <3
Well it seems like they’ve always wanted to be famous and now they are! Just probably not how they imagined it :P Still loving your work Charlie! :)
You’re sexy. And I love dried apricots. Let’s have a picnic together.
Catalina, this made me blush. I also like dried pears…do what you want with that information.
You addressing me by name just in text made my heart race, I can only imagine how I would feel if you whispered it in my ear. If I put an apricot in my mouth and a pear in yours, can we kiss? I’ll bet the combination of flavors would be amazing.
D: its gettin a little steamy up in here. XD
creepy….
I think my childhood was just ruined…
I’ll never look at any fruit roll-up the same.
I won’t be able to look at my solar food dehydrator the same way again.
Ugh, sugar in THAT area is a baaaaaaaad idea. The guy could have gotten an infection pretty easily. So stupid, wow >.<
Wonder if this caused her to be on antibiotics and she couldn’t drink.
I’m wondering how many bj’s these sluts have given?
I’d say at least one each shy of quota since I haven’t met either of them…that I know of
well… no… no I don’t even wanna go there… that is just ewwww… and I was born and raised in Germany ;P
Hahahaha — Priceless!
do we have fruit roll ups in england? because i have no idea what they are.
http://www.google.ca/images?hl=en&q=fruit+roll+ups&um=1&ie=UTF-8&source=univ&ei=Ozh0TMnUPJLQsAOBo-neCA&sa=X&oi=image_result_group&ct=title&resnum=1&ved=0CCwQsAQwAA
Wow, that’s a long link. Anyway, that’s what they look like. They’re fairly fake fruit tasting. Kinda like fruit leather with lots of artificial flavours and rolled up like a miniature carpet.
pretty sure they were called winders in the uk?
They’re called fruit winders, I don’t know if they still sell them here, I haven’t had one since I was about 8, so 9 years, which is quite a long time for a really awful product to still be on sale. They tasted like a really fussy child who hates healthy food would want fruit to taste, if that makes any sense at all.
I guess they’re a bit like winders (I’m British too)
Must of been an interesting flavor
Don’t fall into the trap, Charlie! All they want is the fruit roll-up! As soon as that’s out of the way, the teeth come out!
Hahaha. When I was in grade school, girls and boys alike would wrap fruit roll ups on their pointer finger and eat it that way. I did it once, it was sticky and awful and you do require teeth to finish the job.
I just started school again yesterday and have been super stressed already. I’ve been crying for a couple hours, but when I read this it brightened up my night. Now to continue AP European history reading that I have a quiz on tomorrow…
good luck!
Thanks! but i bombed the quiz…
You should write a book, filled with everything they say and your witty comebacks.
You are hilarious! Although I won’t be able to eat dried fruit without dying of laughter… It’s totally worth it. Thanks for the daily doses of laughter.. it really comes in handy!
dried pineapple might work better. you might have to tailor it first, though.
Are the proteases still active in dried pineapple? That could get dangerous.
I have a pack of dried apricots here on my desk, I haven’t really been able to eat them after it was brought to my attention that they look like an elderly man’s testicles…eh
Thanks for the post Charlie, it definitely made my break from Cell Biology that much more enjoyable.
Charlie,
My junior year is only five days in, and it’s horrible already.
I come home stressed and frustrated, then I read the wonderful,
hysterical posts and life gets better.
I thought I’d let you know, you’ll be the only reason I survive grade 11.
Oh man, 11th grade is tough! But trust me, it will fly by. Thanks for your kind words and I’m glad I can help with some laughter.
Well there goes my love for my favourite fruit snack..
Personally, I think fruit roll-ups are yummy :)
Ah, this is so much funnier cuz I was snacking on dried apricots when I read this!!!
Oh thanks! Now I visualize what she said so much better!
(dear god, this is really awkward)
haha that was for vampiresquirrel, i’m really bad at this internetthing:p
Wow, Charlie–i feel really bad for you. These posts make my day, though (most of the cool sites are blocked on the computer i’m on, except this one–i’m lucky).
Also, dried apricots are delicious… :C
-wants some-
I just moved into an apartment above someone… This makes me really nervous and aware of what my roommate and I say…
Also, I now want a fruit roll up… Thanks a lot GAM!
ummm…but y would she do that???and y am trying to get into the mind of your neighbour?? since she clearly hasnt got one. good luck trying to get into her pants!!maybe if you attach some dried fruit to your “thingy”………..
I wonder if they were the Tongue Tattoo Fruit Roll Ups.
You just gave me a whole new mental image to work with, lmfao xD
hahahahahahahaha. made my day.
ummm… thats just asking for an awkward papercut
I have noticed many people asking you to marry them, as I am straight I have decided I want my sister to marry you so I can see you at thanksgiving.
Interesting.
Love the blog Charlie! Must be great/horrible living below such a couple of ditzes lol
P.S. Someone should tell her that there are flavored lubricants that both taste better for her and feel better for him- win/win! ;)
LOL, those noobs.
Dear Charlie,
I happen to love dried apricots, even if they do have a weird texture. I also don’t quote the Black Eyed Peas. However, I do find you rather attractive and funny. DGAM never fails to make me laugh hysterically.
Not that your post isn’t completely original or anything… but why don’t you go hit on The Oatmeal? You could say something like, “Dear Matthew, I also happen to love bacon, and I totally screw up and say that at the movies every time too!” Just trying to help a sista out.
I greatly appreciate your input. I think you mistake my intention for the post, it’s just some fan girl admiration. I’m not really expecting much from it in response. While everything I said is true, it wasn’t really said in a serious intent. Thanks for the advice, I’ll keep that in mind for next time I am browsing the internet. Also, next time you should be a tad less presumptuous and keep your “help” to yourself. Just trying to help a sista out.
^win.
well i guess this gives a whole new meaning to ‘fruit by the foot’… :)
Do you not post on the weekends, because you want us to think you have a social life, or is it because they do and aren’t home on the weekends?
I love the site, but I have a question. How come you haven’t updated it?
you should buy them a pack of fruit rollups for x-mas
I was eating a fruit roll up while reading this. Its in the trash right now…
Not everything she reads in Cosmo is a good idea…
P.S.
Charlie, you are freaking awesome!
I’m not going to lie, the next time I go down on a guy I know this is going to pop into my head. So when I burst out laughing and he gets offended, I’ll have Charlie to blame. Hahahaha
Twitter Trackbacks…
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At my elementary school, the trendy way to eat a fruit roll up was to wrap it around your finger, and suck it like a popsicle. It never even occurred to me that this could be used for less innocent purposes.
Rofl. I laughed so hard at all of these. You make my life.
Dear Charlie, it has been 3 days since your last post. I had a horrible day today and I had nothing to make me laugh. It broke my heart further.
Dear Sexy Boy Beneath the Dumb Girls,
You are hilarious, and I’d never ask you to wrap your “thingy” for a blow-job. Let go of the dumb-girls-upstairs fantasy, you can do so much better :)
I live in brisbane Australia and i have 3 girls like that above me……….i understand your hell/fun
I mostly liked reading all the posts for this one….the majority of commenter were girls, which totally made it funnier!!!!
wait, they call casseroles AND penises “thingies”? O.O
OMG CHARLIE WHERE ARE YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!??????????????
ikr?!
Oh god. :(
I love DGAM :) I make a special effort to check it every day :)
And those girls are famous already :P They rock :)
But why have you not posted in almost a week Charlie?
x
haha to funny
Damnit you caught my imagination off guard. I don’t know whether to laugh or gouge my eyes out.
HAHA!!! i stumbled onto this site and love it!!! it’s going into my fav’s list :)
if I were straight i would totally ask you to marry me. XD I love this sight and you always make my day! lol.
That actually sounds like a really good idea. (The fruit roll up, not the apricots.)