Charlie covering his ears
Two annoying girls moved into the apartment above me.
I'm forced to hear every dumb thing they say.
These are my letters to them.
 
 
 
 
 
Jan

03

I see you’ve chosen a 2011 New Years “Revolution.” I really hope that “mastering how to make the perfect toast” works out for you.

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  1. Charlie McDowell says:

    To be fair, I burned toast a little too often in 2010.

  2. Katie says:

    such high goals in life

  3. Christina says:

    Haha I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve dived over to my toaster in a panic trying to stop it before my toast went completely black =P You just can’t rely on it to make toast properly!
    Even so, I think making it one of her New Year’s “revolutions” is going a bit far…

  4. catalina says:

    Finally.

  5. Mqrius says:

    They are so gonna burn the apartment down.

    • Scarlette says:

      agreed, maybe someone should introduce them to a fire extinguisher… But atleast they arent going to make flambĂ© or something. I would be super worried then

  6. Eliza says:

    I have 1 word for this. Wow.

  7. angel says:

    have they figured out that it’s actually resolutions and not revolutions yet?

    and yes, toasters are evil. They rarely seem to make perfect toast. Or maybe I just need to get a new one. hmmm…

  8. R says:

    I think that if they are really going to be working hard at this new years “revolution,” it will take a lot of practice…
    Maybe you should try to score some free toast.

  9. Adi says:

    They create countless smiles and poorly timed effeminate giggles. They are loved and hated. They have been abused and glorified all at once. To the man who shared them with the internet world, and to the brains who keep on surprising us.

    A toast to the Girls Above Charlie!
    Hear Hear!

    (A perfect toast?)

  10. Maggie says:

    My new years ‘revolution’ is to find you Charlie and eat you <3

    • Liz says:

      Well, that’s just…interesting.

      Better start running, Charlie.

      • Charlie McDowell says:

        I’ll start preparing myself in broth.

      • Cygnus says:

        So accommodating. That is what we love about you. Could you also start eating more pine nuts. You look a little lanky and that gets rid of any gamey flavor. O.k. too far, I just grossed myself out.

    • Maggie says:

      Cygnus- no, thank you. All the better to eat him with m’dear<3

  11. Karolina says:

    I’m sure they decided to make such a “revolution” so they could quote one of the characters of Jane Austen’s unfinished novel Sanditon: “I am an excellent toaster”.

    PS. Please, check if you and your apartment are properly insured.

    • Karolina says:

      PPS: And in the book they do mean the edible, not the drinkable kind of toast. The characters are sitting in front of a fireplace with pieces of bread on sticks and one gentleman offers to toast some bread for the heroine.

  12. Emily says:

    Well, at least they’re eating carbs now…

  13. Grammar Nazi says:

    Where have you been, Charlie?

  14. Grammar Nazi says:

    Oh, never mind, I read the comments on the last post.

  15. Mitchell says:

    Man, what a revolution. They must take their toast very seriously.

  16. Alicia says:

    The only toaster I can count on is the Brave Little Toaster.

  17. Momentie says:

    I think it’s good that they’re setting attainable ‘revolutions’. So many fail to keep the promises they make at the turn of a new year….. Although mastering the craft of perfect toast may still be even a bit out of their reach.

    • Rosie says:

      Exactly Momentie! I can’t make scrambled eggs so that’s one of mine & not to start smoking because I never have!

  18. Emma says:

    Hey that’s a great revolution! If they can figure out how to make a toaster toast bread the same way twice, they will be remembered throughout the ages.

  19. Alice says:

    So you say you want a revolution…

  20. Lizzi says:

    I suggest the if you smell smoke, run like hell, cause their “perfect toast” might be the death of you.

  21. Sarah F. says:

    XD I think I called it a “New Years Revolution” when I
    was five…but then again, I didn’t know how to make toast either.

  22. Alicia says:

    A post about toast;
    How very strange indeed.
    They’re trading poles for goals,
    I know, It’s hars to believe.
    And even though they’re jests,
    I bid them well on their quest:
    “To make the perfect toast”
    The best yet on the coast.

  23. Angie says:

    For a split second, I thought she meant “toast” as in wedding toasts, but then I realized who was talking…Charlie, I really would stock up on smoke alarms and fire extinguishers. Good luck, and may the force be with you. :D

  24. Diana says:

    Last year they said “Revolution” too.
    I guess those extra pilate classes they were going to do in 2010 didn’t help clear their heads.

  25. Rachel says:

    Man, my mind went straight to weddings and how maybe these girls go to lots of them and so toasting is a skill worth developing.

  26. Kaitlin says:

    Charlie! I missed you <3

  27. Savannah says:

    I also thought they were talking about toasting at parties or weddings.

    I have to say the best “revolution” I heard this year was from my 12-year-old cousin. His mom asked him what his resolution was and he said, “To be even crabbier in the morning!”

  28. Heather says:

    You make my days so much brighter. Thank you =)

  29. Melissa says:

    Hahaha!!!! i lov eu charlie! and im sorry that u have to deal with the two girls above u

  30. awesomeselflover says:

    this toast is revolutionary!!!

  31. Jimbob says:

    she should really learn how to make a perfect sandwich.

  32. EnterAmazingAlaisHere says:

    They made a new year’s revolution last year too. x] I checked.

  33. EnterAmazingAliasHere says:

    Also, I spelled alias wrong before. My bad.

  34. Kaily Sue says:

    This is actually not the first time I’ve given this link to someone, these instructions are life changing.

    http://reviews.ebay.com/How-to-make-perfect-toast_W0QQugidZ10000000001913535

  35. StarletSnowhansen says:

    No chance she meant a toast as in the little speech before the merry clinking of glasses?

    • golfgirl20 says:

      who are we talking about here? (Answer: the two stupid girls above Charlie)

      im pretty sure they ment the toast that u eat.

  36. Tigerr says:

    The girls may be on to something here…there is always the little line at the top, that doesn’t quite fit into the toaster…or am I the only one to get annoyed by that? xD

  37. Laura says:

    Somebody has said this somewhere up on this long page of comments but…..

    Really. They should learn to make sandwiches. They’d be so happy with themselves later.

  38. Matt says:

    He could get some knock-offs, but may not like what he hears…

    http://1001awfulthings.com

  39. Megan says:

    I found this hysterical until I reflected on my toast failures..

  40. Theresa says:

    Perfect toast=love <3

  41. Iskelltheglycerinequeen says:

    Lol they need to buy a toaster oven very handy indeed! I bet Charlie has one, eh?

  42. Fliss says:

    The way to make perfect toast is, to cook it on grill setting in the oven so you can control how burnt it is.

  43. Haha thanks as a way for pointing this out….

  44. Lizzi says:

    No matter how perfect your toast is, the toaster will still scare the crap out of you.

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