Two annoying girls moved into the apartment above me.
I'm forced to hear every dumb thing they say.
These are my letters to them.
I'm forced to hear every dumb thing they say.
These are my letters to them.
25
(phone) “Don’t throw him out! That stuffed animal gave me my first orgasm…Sorry dad, you needed to understand.” No he didn’t.
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Uh, that gives MORE incentive to throw it out. Much more.
Agree. Gross.
she must be really good with stuffed animals
Gross.
I don’t understand how…
Perhaps you really really don’t want to…
Yknow… just for education’s sake… it’s not exactly uncommon. Not that dads need to know that.
Wait what? How…..is that….uncommon….doesn’t even make any sense to me……..???????
ginny, i think she means that it is common. double negatives
look up “pillow humping”
i just feel sorry for that stuffed animal
I don’t think that stuff animal’s feeling too bad…
*shudders* Poor dad…
Maybe he’ll put it on Ebay…not that I’d search for it or anything.
I think Charlie, that if I found out that you searched for it, I would just stop reading this blog and start fearing for the GAM’s safety. But that’s just me…
^like
http://cgi.ebay.com/Snake-Stuffed-Animal-Mint-100-Polyester-Fiber-3-and-up-/170592456457?pt=LH_DefaultDomain_0&hash=item27b81a4f09#ht_257wt_45
WHAT. A. DEAL.
‘One stuffed teddy bear that gave my daughter her first orgasm’
Not sure how well that would sell on e-bay…
http://1001awfulthings.com
So thats how it is in their family
FERRIS BUELLER. <3
WIN! :D
there are no words
my thoughts exactly…
I can’t wait to see Alicia’s poem on today’s subject!
ohmygodohmygodohmygod…EVEN SNOOKI AND JWOWW DON’T TELL THEIR DADS THINGS LIKE THAT!!
Alicia, you get a free pass today.
Hahaha! Well that’s a relief… When I read the post I had to read it twice to make sure that’s what it really said.
id fuck the shit out her, stroke that pussy!
I think I loled more at your comment!
This is disturbing.
Well…
She seems very open with her father. xD
I’m scared of how open they are!! (both physically and figuratively) :)
oh god. or, wait, i’m not sure he’d wanna be part of this. oh, devil? does that make sense?
(also, i’m scared of jon.)
Ya, me too.
I don’t even understand this…
oh, and I’ve never commented before but I read the comments a lot. It is crazy how you guys have developed a little community here. Charlie, if your show ever gets made, you should have little nods at your online friends. Maybe there could be a crazy homeless lady named Alicia that sits outside your apartment and speaks to you in poems. Not that I’m calling you a crazy homeless lady or anything, Alicia :)
No comment.
I really meant that in the nicest way possible.
I’m flattered.
ROTFLOLSHTMSFOAIDMT! I love your impassiveness Alicia (and your poems but that goes without saying)! :)
Read: “Rolling on the floor laughing out loud so hard that my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco!”
However, I am calling you a crazy homeless woman, Alicia.
Alicia just became the homeless woman on the show.
Is it possible to be happy and offended at the same time?
What will Anna be?
hi im 11
anna is 2 kewl for tv*~ duh
That makes sense, my dear.
AAAAAGH! My brain burns with the horrible images I have just had pop into my head!
Excuse me while I nip off and flagellate my brain cells …
Dear Charlie,
I just stalked you on IMDB and realized who your mom is, she is one of my favorites. She’s so adorable in stepbrothers. that’s all.
I agree. She’s pretty awesome. Thanks!
Oh my goodness! I stalked you there too but then I got really confused because I didn’t think that you were an actual famous person. I thought that you were just some random guy creeping on the girls above you. Sorry, that wasn’t meant to be offensive or anything.
Trust me, I’m still just a random guy creeping on the girls above me.
Trust me, I’m creepy.
Paradox anyone?
not as paradoxical as how many Jakes there are in the world
Wait, that’s just unoriginality….
yeah its a paradox
The creep thing, not the ja-
*Sigh, stops shoveling*
Greetings fellow Jacob! Forgive the lame attempts at humor, my fever addled brain fails me at times.
Well…thanks. I imdb-ed him earlier but didn’t click to actually see who his mom was. Thanks to doing that now I’ve yet to finish my Colonial History Homework and move on to my Al-Andalus Homework because I went from Charlie’s mom (which I completely agree> loved Joan of Arcadia!!!) to one of her movies to Seth Green. Who sleeps in college these days!
I’ve never read the comments before, and also paid no attention to you. But, I have to say, you’re dad is way more epic than your mom. Especially as Alex in A Clockwork Orange.
I had a stuffed giraffe. His name was Theodore, Teddy for short.
Will you tell us a story about Teddy pleeeease? :)
Yes! Story from Anna!
Not much to tell about Teddy.
But I will tell you I did not use it the same way the girls did. -shudders-
LOL
No stuffed animal deserves what “Claire” might have done to it. :(
I’m kinda sad there is no story…since Alicia has a free pass not to write poetry today I was looking forward to the next best thing! Oh well, next time hopefully. Your random stories make me laugh!
Anna, you remind me of Wendy from Peter Pan and how all the lost boys always ask her to tell them her stories.
Yay, Peter Pan!
Okay…slightly disturbed, but hilarious nonetheless. Love this site, Charlie. From a long time reader/first time commemter.
Why are you lonely???
Dont be lonely! We are all here for you!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5rOiW_xY-kc&feature=related
We’ll be you’re friends!!!
My dad doesn’t like the idea of me one day reproducing, he even referred to it as “hatching” once. I couldn’t imagine his reaction to a conversation like this.
Wouldn’t he be pleased with your choice of polyfill over penis?
She couldn’t have just said “Don’t throw him out, he means a lot to me”? I’m sure her dad would have accepted this reason =P
That’s what I was thinking as well, at least we got a big laugh out of it though.
I thought that would have been a suitable response as well :p
Hello there other Taylor. Glad to see that not only do we share the same name, we also think alike.
Hi other Taylor :)
O.O …Speechless.
I wonder about the shape of the stuffed animal. Humm…
I wonder how the other side of that conversation went.
I wonder what kind of stuffed animal it is…
Maybe a stuffed squid…
a unicorn?
I read this every day and I have never laughed so hard. I just….they’re so stupid….Thank you Charlie. From the bottom of my heart.
I’m just the middle man. You’re welcome.
Oh god, everyday I come to this site it makes my day so much better. Especially since I have an O-Chem midterm tomorrow.
Good luck!!!!
I am not jealous of you.
UPDATE:
OChem average was a 54%! Yay OChem! Yay for Dear Girls Above Me to make me feel better!
I’m a long time reader, and first time commentor. This site is hilariously funny… Those girls say the craziest thing… And I really want to know her dad’s reaction to that little piece of information… Did he have a heart attack? Wasn’t really necessary to tell him that…
I’m not sure. Tapping their phone is next on my list though.
You are such a creeper, it’s not even funny…well, actually, I take that back. You are such a creeper, it’s REALLY funny.
hahahaha, tapping their phone… That would be hilarious!
Good idea, my dear. That would be rather entertaining. I think it’s a good idea. Ask some tips from the Chinese government if you need help installing.
Oh the conversations and endless entertainment that could come from that. Shoot that could inspire multiple postings a day…
DO IT! please hahahah
Let’s face it, if he uploaded selected highlights we would all listen.
I feel like this would give him a better reason TO throw it away…I wonder if he did? Haha ewww
I love the comments and the back and forth banter on the DGAM site, but my favorite today was on facebook DGAM and it went like this:
Charlie: I wish my first orgasm came from something cool like that.
Moniqe: LOL, “wish my first orgasm came from something cool like that.”..you mean like a vagina
Charlie: Moniqe, I mean, I guess a vagina is considered cool.
Needless to say Charlie I laughed so hard and got excited when I saw this, because Moniqe is an old friend of mine. Obviously you can see she’s pretty awesome and I just can’t help but not give her kudos for her epic comment.I also thought it was pretty cool to see you acknowledge a comment from someone I know, idk.
I read that too!! It was pretty funny! :)
However, I like our little “community” here a bit better.
Haha, well between Alicia’s poems and now Anna’s stories on this “community” I can see why. It’s just today my friend came up with a really good comment so naturally that became my favorite of the day.
I’d figure it had been form his hand…
Hm… I’m not sure any of us needed to understand…
HOW VILE.
Mortusss.
Floutsy, is that you my child?
‘Tis I, Mortus. Oh Mortus… it was so many moons ago since I’ve seen you last. I wish I didn’t have such grave news to share with you.
What news do you speak of, Floutsy?
A cunning salesman visited us last week. He was selling muffins of the most delectable juices and aromas. Your father was quick to purchase one but soon learned of the poison lurking within. He quicky fell ill as the salesman robbed your father and I.
HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN FLOUTSY!?
Forgiveness, please!
The thief outsmarted us all. I guess you could say…
He was bluffin’ with his muffin.
LOL WTF.
I really did miss you.
—
Oh, Floutsy.
My heart weeps for father yet LOLs at your wit like a carefree child of summer.
That was intense F5 pressing on my part.
It’s so much easier when we speak on hnng.
What is air, m’love?
@Anna
I spat out my OJ at the end.
Keep at it, ghurl.
LOL
Interesting convo
You have the strangest comments ever.
I can’t even handle it.
“My heart weeps for father yet LOLs at your wit like a carefree child of summer.”
LOL
tylerknott.com
Sweet.
paigecrawford.tumblr.com
I coUld not stop laughing at this!!
Haha I look forward to your random comments almost ( almost I say) as Alicia’s poems.
. ( don’t ask)
O:
Hey stranger, haven’t seen you on comments for a while.
Hello, friend!
hai frend*~(
i’m pretty sure that their father-daughter relationship will never quite be the same..
I bet she didn’t use the same logic when she dumped her first boyfriend!
Same tactic for getting rid of boyfriends?
Well that gives a whole new meaning to the term ‘daddy issues’
I wish I could get a stuffed animal to do that…
*facepalm*
I think a simple, “that stuffed animal really means a lot to me” would have sufficed. But then again, these are the girls above Charlie :)
O.o Scary but that sounds like something my cousin would say…..
hello everyone :)
Hello there! (This is waay after the fact but I’ll say it anyway.)
Charlie, we are in a love/hate relationship. I love you because these are hilarious. I hate you because they are distracting me from the rest of my life.
Well I just love you. I can’t speak for the girls though.
Charlie, I love you also… and not in a creepy way… okay kinda… lol
Charlie, I love you, you don’t know me and I’ve never commented before, but I love you, and I wish I could blog about you all day long.
“Where’s Mr. Biggles? I can’t go to bed without Mr. Biggles, Daddy!” I wonder if her father is remembering conversations like this, and needs to lie down.
hahaha.xDD
hahaha. omg, it’s like, even sleeping with stuff animals is not innocent anymore!
Oh goodness, that’s just…wow. And yet, it still cheers me up from my day where my over-controlling school takes my stuff. Thanks for our breaks from reality, Charlie. :)
So what do you think you’re gonna do if the girls find out about, well, this: http://www.tvguide.com/News/CBS-Twitter-Show-1024470.aspx?rss=breakingnews&partnerid=imdb&profileid=01
Without opening my door, tell them I moved. See if that tricks them.
mwahahah finally.
whoa random evil moment.
who’s gonna play you in the sticom, Charlie?
or are you gonna play you?
I’m okay with this.
Hey everyone…. Been away for a while… School vacation is over and I had piles of homework….. After reading this I almost died of laughter!!
Any new news on the show Charlie
Oh and I missed everybody and their crazy messed up minds
No news. Hopefully good news.
Aww…no poem today…as soon as i reasd this post i was like…”i gotta read alicias poem on this!”
ditto :(
Sorry guys. Hopefully the news that I might be portrayed as a CRAZY RHYMING HOMELESS LADY cheered you up.
Alicia, you do realize that would probably be the character that attracts a ginormous fan base and is played by some quirky hot actress, right?
Suuuurrre.
And to think… I almost forgot check the blog today. Question: Have you ever overhead the girls say, “I can’t believe I just said that?” Good grief.
Charlie you site just depressed me for te first time ever.
I posted then I commented on Anna’s post Thingy and I quote! When I hit “submit comment” it didn’t submit my comment but it brought me to a page that said (and I quote!) “You are posting to quickly. Slow down.”
I’m still not sure what to think
I think you beat the system. Take it as a compliment.
Haha it just slightly shocked me because I only commented twice. Haha
It did it again
Sometimes I’m glad that I don’t comment or read the comments….other times like today I am just unsure of what to say…wtf I don’t want to know how the hell that girl managed that….freaky stuffed animal fetish
Her poor father… her poor, poor father. He never deserved a daughter like this (I know because no one deserves a daughter like this)…
[…] This post was mentioned on Twitter by natasha clifford, sgnewsfeed. sgnewsfeed said: 2011-01-25: (phone) “Don’t throw him out! That stuffed animal gave me my first orgasm…Sorry… http://goo.gl/fb/wKrW2 […]
My only post to the girls
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HELLO WHORES !!!
Oh my. Has anyone gone to the site about the sitcom? People are ridiculous on there. Charlie, you should start a “Dear Idiots of the World” page.
Now we find out that this is how Pedobear was created. A poor innocent stuffed teddybear minding it’s own business when suddenly the young snatch of DOOM violates him! Teddy is forever traumatized by years of on going abuse by the young harlot and has developed some severe psychological issues that cause him to be a predator against innocent children! In his own sick and twisted mind he he has come to enjoy the abuse to an extent and in some darker part of him it is a way of getting back at the harlot that forever ruined his life.
Now the strumpet’s father wishes to end the bears misery by disposing of him, maybe ripping him to shreds that he has learned the shame his harlot spawn has committed to the innocent creature, but the strumpet will not allow this for he has a “special place” in her heart still and if she ever got her claws on the bear a special place in the cavern of DOOM! so thus the torture will begin anew.
God that was a random comment….
“Sad Panda.”
That is awll.
You win the internet
Thank you!
Wow. That was a good idea, I think its the truth. Little does she know that the Pedobear will be hunting her down if she ever has a child.
ew. ‘Nuff said.
Since Alicia is taking the day off from this one, I though maybe I could (try to) entertain with a short poem?
Oh Teddy, dear Teddy,
I’ve loved you from the start
You helped me reach my first big O
You’re always in my heart
But now Dad wants to throw you out,
To rot in some big dump
So Teddy, dear, for old times’ sake:
How ’bout one more hump?
Words cannot even describe the look I just got on my face.
Well I thought it was pretty good.
It was written well, just…the concept freaked me out.
Ahaha. awesome. i think alicia has some competition.
Agreed lol
I’m flattered! :D
Gratz on the series, long time viewer, first time commenter, hope all goes well with the show, and though I don’t usually watch tv at all, I’d gladly start watching this :)
I had a favourite stuffed toy. It was a cat with a bell in it’s tail.
I heard the bell jingling in my room one day. My cat was humping it.
I threw the cat out for garbage collection and a child took it.
I was amused. he was now the owner of jingle-jizzcat.
Haha that’s bad…
I had a giant stuffed teddy that my boyfriend got me for v-day one year and I had it sitting in a corner and my cat used to go nurse off from it so it had a whole bunch of ‘nipples’ from the cat before I just threw it out XDDD
I just spat my tea out. What. The. Actual. Hell?
I feel like I could know you Beth…
Are they pretty? I feel the need to ask
…
The presentation is awesome! ! ….
Wow the build-a-bear workshop and beanies babies are forever ruined for me! xD Hey everybody, I’ve been reading this fpr a while now and I always wanted to comment since I love this little community here =D
This site always makes my day! Because who doesn’t need a break from double major science homework? I DO!!! oh my god… I have little to no life : Atleast there’s always the community :P
When t
Oops sorry I’m on my iPod
I meant to ask when is the show gonna start?
Ew.
That’s just…delightful. Really.
Charlie,
You make my heart happy.
Good day to you :)
Charlies is it possible to break the site?
The “You are posting comments to quickly. Slow down.” thing keeps coming up. But I’m not really posting that much… Am I?
I have to wonder what Charlie’s face looked like when he heard this one…..and what his first thought was….ewww
My first thought was,what kind of animal was it ?!
Charlie, here up north us Canadians love you. Just and FYI. Eh.
Haha yeah! I’m not sure whether to be happy or sad that we’ll never have anything like this in Canada. What with our 1 story igloos and such, we can’t have anyone living above us.
And Hello DGAM community! I love all your comments!
I WAS JUST READING ALL THE POEMS ON HERE AND I KNOW IT’S KINDA RANDOM BUT I JUST ACHEIVED AN AMAZING GOAL! I WROTE A POEM “DR. SEUSS” STYLE ABOUT HOW WILLY WONKA HAS PLANTS THAT USE PHOTOSYNTHESIS TO CREATE SUGAR WHICH WILLY WONKA USES TO MAKE CANDY! EEP!!
Yeah…Sorry, I had to tell someone or else I would have burst.
And also, I LOVE ALL THE COMMENTS, POEMS, and STORIES on here! DGAM is amazing. <3
I think her dad needs some brain bleach ( tequila) to forget that. And why on earth would she want to keep that? There’s no way that stuffed animal is still huggable.
She could stuff my animal.
Hey alicia!!
You know who could play you in the show; Helena Bonham Carter! ;D
My first reaction was: EWW
My second was: I must try that sometime…
This is a few days old already, but it made me think of this when I read it: http://jezebel.com/5622856/the-10-worst-masturbating-stories-weve-ever-heard
How do the girls not know about this yet?
Oh my frekn god, that was the funniest thing I’ve ever read. EVER. You can’t make this shit up.
…
Adult females are materialistic gold diggers. Beware….