I was gonna invite you to my birthday until I heard creepy Uncle Jim’s plan to turn the tables and have you “underneath him.”

“I bet Lohan can’t wait for jail so she can hook up with her roommate.” Let’s hope she doesn’t get caught by her R.A.

“I went black, now I kinda wanna go back again.” I was half way up the stairs before I realized you were talking about your hair.

“It’s so much better having guys come over here, we never have to experience the walk of shame.” Don’t worry, I shame you enough.

“Ah, I’m so hungover!” I banged on the ceiling, but when your heart’s set on Patron, not even your all star neighbor can stop you