“Honestly, what we need in our lives is a puppy. Can’t you just imagine him running around?!” Please tell me I’m in Inception.

“So, he’s a musician but only plays the harmonica. The least hot instrument ever!” What a loser! If he ever wants harp lessons…

“I’m responding, ‘with my BF tonight.’ He won’t know if I mean boyfriend or best friend!” You’re like The Da Vinci Code of texting.

“It’s Shark Week AND the gays can finally get married?! Best. Week. Ever.” I’m glad you got your priorities in order.

“The worst part about these stupid antibiotics is I can’t have any alcohol. I’d rather die.” I’d rather be on stupid antibiotics.