“I was gonna order lobster, but then remembered he’s just an assistant, so I made myself get the quiche.” Are you evolving?

“So I wanna be the employee or employer? I think I screwed that up in the interview.” Either way, I don’t think you got the job.

“You wanna know what’s worse than a mushy banana?” Let me guess, an uncircumcised– “An uncircumcised penis.” I know you so well.

“I’m officially banning men from the apartment! He left the toilet seat up and I almost fell in.” She’s lying, I heard a splash.

“Oh my God, read this Missed Connection! I’m almost positive I was at this gas station!” There’s more than one Chevron.