“He goes ‘penny for your thoughts,’ I said, dad, a pair of Louboutins and I’ll tell everything.” He can visit my website for free.

“We have a major situation on our hands: He’s ungoogleable! I don’t date anyone I can’t stalk first.” Thank God we’re not dating.

I just don’t relate to my family anymore. Miss you guys. Merry Christmas.

“Holy Kardashian! The world is seriously coming to an end, there are TWO rainbows outside!” Seems like a pretty gay way to go out.

Thanks to your itunes playlist, I hummed Taylor Swift’s Mine at a football party. They only let me drink “light” beer.