“She was totally bragging about changing a flat tire. Who cares, that’s why they invented AA.” Pretty sure you’re missing an A.

“She said I’m way too PC! Umm, excuse me, but I’ve ALWAYS been a Mac girl.” I’m sure your iPhone has a politically correct app.

“Claire, I need some toilet paper NOW!” Umm, Claire just left…I would help but I’m not gonna blow my cover for a number one.

“Okay, you buy the alcohol and a flare gun and I’ll let everyone know what time to look into the sky!” There’s also Evite.

“Think about it, no model is hotter than us cause underneath we’re all just skeletons.” My skeleton has a Cindy Crawford mole.